![]() ![]() I wonder why that is, eh? The instructions say you can “Whizz through the night on your dream scooter and pull some rad Ninja stunts!” adding “you’ve got to beat the clock to beat the rest so don’t hang around!” and the assertion that “ Ninja Scooter’s the best!” Perhaps the most random of all the Ninja Leisure Time cash-ins, Ninja Scooter Simulator allows us to truly experience ninja scooting in a way that no game before or since has done. Which just makes this game all kinds of oh dear. ![]() She spends the game in the sidebar and occasionally takes off an item of clothing so I’m going to take a guess here that the “ultimate reward” is a crudely-rendered naked woman. Have you? Let us know in the comments below if you have. Sadly, BMX Ninja’s interminable, repetitious gameplay, eye-searing backgrounds and strong possibility that the “certain number” is well over a million means that I’ve never found out what her ultimate reward is. That said, it does promise that she “will give you the ultimate reward” if you complete “a certain number” of levels, adding coyly “we’re not telling you what it is, so find out for yourself if you can”. To make it super-cringe, the instruction booklet tells you “If you fail in your task, you will not only lose your title, you will lose your girlfriend – who wants to be seen with a loser anyway?” which is harsh. If Pookie touches anyone with his back wheel while spinning his bike, they instantly dissolve into the pavement… maybe that counts as a special ninja skill? They’re led by a guy who looks like a 1940s Chicago gangster (for Reasons) and Pookie is told that he must “survive as long as possible” while being set upon by skateboarders, “ninja skooters” and rocks that are thrown at him from offscreen. ![]() The plot involves a BMX ninja called Pookie (strong ninja name right there) who is set upon by a rival bike gang called the Diamondbacks. It’s one of those games that was released at the tail end of both the ninja boom and the budget gaming boom and I get the impression that no one really put much effort in. Here we find that when they’re not busy ninjing people to death, they’re BMXing and pulling gnarly tricks. This game is part of the subgenre I like to call Ninja Leisure Time. ![]()
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